Sorry that I haven't been blogging in the past few days,but I just need to get some stuff off my back first,some stuff that just seems to be conflicting with everything that I thought I actually knew for certain. Yet I've been proven wrong many times these few days. I'm sorry to say,I'm not even going to mention the wonderful class outing our class had on Monday,because these few days have neutralized every bit of fun I've probably had and even more... Maybe the class noticed my different behavior today,maybe not,I do not know.
Seriously I'm damn pissed with our form teachers,myself,and the class,in that order. I just cannot believe that the teachers just started printing out consent forms for the truck washing at my dad's office,WITHOUT even asking ME if my parents would be cool with that at all. I was so fking surprised when abi just asked me to turn around,and suddenly i'm confronted with some fked up development. And for the fking record,now you know that it wasn't me that came up with the date in such a short notice. If anyone of you at least know me enough to note my personality,damn right I would NEVER have been so sudden. I would have asked at least two weeks in advanced,and even try to keep dragging the fking date just to make sure majority of the people can go for it. So please STOP making those fked up sarcastic comments or skeptical looks,especially a few of you,because I was not the mastermind behind this shit. You people didn't have to make it worse than it has already been.
Was it my imagination? Was it just my lack of confidence/self-esteem that I feel that I'm constantly under harsh lighting? Why don't you people tell me? I do not think my eyes and ears can fk up to the extent that I cannot see or hear the criticism directed at me. I feel,that for all this while I'm probably the one in the class looking in from the outside and trying to fit in,instead of being inside already. Would the word ostracize fit the bill here? I don't know.
I guess the only comforting thing is that I know I have some people whom I can trust,though I can count them with just one hand. It just feels like these people are the ones that have kept me going during the difficult periods of my time in class...
There could have been so much more that I could have mentioned,but I think this is enough. The class is still going strong together,and I do not want this to ruin whatever bonds(whether van der waals or giant covalent) anyone of you have created with me. This,is simply a mention by itself,by it means nothing until hopefully some of you would prove me wrong,that I was indeed hallucinating. Because I feel like I don't know nothing anymore,everything is so uncertain now.
This goes especially for you,my lady. Your skepticism of me is killing me and every bit of hope I'm harbouring for you and I....
Skeptics and True Believers by The Academy Is...
[~~Fractured in the mind, body and soul~~]
"Triple X" Jackson out
