You know,I had wanted to just say "i'm sorry" and just end the post off right there,but I got so much on my mind to talk about,both positive and negative...

I always like to start with the bright side. Yesterday afternoon was fabulous. Went to the sports park beside innova jc from 4-6 plus. First time I played ultimate Frisbee in my life,and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Great feeling to be running all over the place trying to intercept and receive discs,and feeling that your stamina is unlimited and you could just keep chasing the disc non-stop. That was precisely how I felt yesterday. Wanna thank charlotte for inviting us over,and just wanna say it was a really enjoyable time,and that T16 should organize some of our own sport days in the future,then yingtian charlotte and me would be able to teach the rest how to play UF,and we can have lots of fun together.

Today,went to Wheelock Place and bought a Crumpler bag. Been rushing my parents to buy sth for me since they got their big fat year-end bonuses last year. They decided that since I've been using that 30plus dollar bag for about 4 years now,its time for a change. And so some of you will probably see me coming into school with that new bag on my shoulders.... After buying the crumpler went over to Ion to buy a pair of Levi's for the 1st day of CNY,since I have no new jeans to go with the fox shirt the class bought for me on my birthday. After getting that we went home and I slept the remainder of the afternoon.

Now the other side to my weekend. Charlotte and I were the first to arrive at Causeway Point's mac,and while we waited for the others,we discussed some things that i'm not obliged to mention here. There is however one thing I can mention. She made me change my mind about the abhishek thing again. How would I have felt if someone could have actually helped me but decided not to since their opportunity costs would be greater than the rewards reaped from me? This made me think ALOT. And I have therefore decided I would probably make the whole affair a not-very-frequent thing. I would probably speak to him once every fortnight just to see how he copes along. This also means my next planned talk with him is this friday during our double break. Fantastic. I'm gonna at least try as much as I can la,I shall promise myself that. Its negative because it invaded most of my thoughts for the weekend grrr....

The other thing was making Charlotte really pissed at me if i'm not mistaken. I stepped over the line by making what was seemingly casual comments that ended up being inflammatory. So Charlotte,I'm really sorry about the things I've said,and I hope you would forgive me after u chill alright? Sorry and I'll try not to let that happen again......

Changes in the music player and blogskin coming soon,maybe tml.

"Triple X" Jackson out.

Deeply grateful for the advice Kenneth gave to me on Thursday. Realised I'm kinda similar to him,I can't say no to alot of things. It's ridiculous I feel,that we are somehow unable to say no to things that are against our own will.... You people can probably understand the feeling only after you have stepped into my shoes la. But still,I shall try to work on the advice he has given me thus far,and try to reject whoever i'm not the least interested in helping or something I guess... But thx so much mate! =)

That same day after mass pe,I took bus and went straight to bukit gombak stadium to wait for Kenneth and Alvin. We intended to run for the sake of training la. In the end however we only ran a grand total of 1.8km. Having just finished mass pe I was too tired to continue. Alvin was purely slacking and stopped too. Kenneth decided that since there will be no company if he runs,he stopped too. So we were just pure slacks.... Ended up talking at the grandstand all the way till 8 before we went over to Alif restaurant nearby for dinner. Me and alv ate murtabak while ken ate prata only. Damn full after that. Meanwhile we were crapping about lots of stuff,and it led to pokemon trading cards haha. That is lyk ages ago but hey we still remember how the cards are lyk and all,so we were happily sharing...

Yesterday was pretty sucky tho. Oka bit only la. Early in the morning do physics spa. Ms Tay was ever the irritant boss,making sure we do our work or else... Then there was an Econs case study on international trade which I didn't even bother studying. So in the end I just kinda rotted the entire test just waiting for it to end haha. Chem lec was super crap. Lecturer for the new topic on halogenoalkanes was (guess who) Ms Ma,the one who screwed up the blanks on the lecture notes and made us have no clue where we had to fill in our blanks... By the end of it,I couldn't understand a shit,just copying it all down only.

Since there was no cca for maths society on friday I went back home after school. Intended to go back swiss npcc,but kau jie still haven't helped me ask Mr Hoon to put my name with the security guard. If my name is there den I can just go back any time I want. If not I have to sign in,surrender my bus pass and all that shit.... In the end I went home,switched the tv on. There was an NBA match going on between Celtics and Magics. When I was watching the 2nd half was just gonna end with the Celtics leading by 16 pts. By the end of the friggin game,Magics have won by 2 pts. Wa lao I was super pissed cuz i'm a Celtics fan,and they have been this disgustingly disgusting for the past and current seasons. Win-Loss stats are so fugly I dun wanna rmb it....

Ok better go sleep now so that I can go do some hw before going out later in the afternoon. Can't wait to sport out with some classmates! =D

Chao. Note that there will be a major change to my music player coming damn soon.

"Triple X" Jackson out.

Suspicions suspicions and even more suspicions.... Will it ever end? Its probably all in workings of the mind I guess. Let's see how things go on from here. Imma enjoy my life,start mugging some,enjoy the company of my closest friends in class and from Swiss,and shut out any other foreign squawks, and move on. And I ain't gonna seek advice regarding this anymore,since I've decided for myself that no,I ain't gonna take up responsibility to help abhishek out and melt his diamond-crusted heart (in other words,has no feelings),since it has a much higher chance of breaking me than helping him improve. I'd probably just voice out the occasional remarks on him and guess that's about it. Since there are so many out there in the world who are selfish right? Fine I shall learn to be selfish as well. I will only help out people who ask me (no matter if I like them anot) and the people who I'm close to and care about. If someone expects me to step up and help them willingly,without them opening their golden mouths,those people can just fuck off. Seriously. No more shrinking myself into a minor among others,that's just not the way I wanna lead my life. I shall be in full control of it.

Why this heated post? I've been looking through what I posted yesterday and my anger just kinda rose and rose. Despite the fact that being the person I usually am is probably God's calling,I've decided that its just too much to take after a decade of being that foolish. I'm sure if God wants this to remain the way I lead my life,He'll pull me back to the way I was,the ever present servant to Him and all others I know. Otherwise,Imma be someone I'm super comfortable with. And maybe,just maybe,it'll work out perfectly fine in my life,and I'll rejoice I tell ya. No more chains holding me down anymore. Wouldn't it be nice? =D

People (and probably especially Charlotte,Gabriel and Wee Kang),if you guys have anything,anything at all to say about this,please do. I'm really gonna need it. Drill some sense into my head,whatever. Just help me out here alright guys? Or else you might see a slightly different me soon enough....

"Triple X" Jackson out.

What should I say here? So much to mention but I've probably forgotten half of them while contemplating on this post haha.

Ok how about yesterday? School ended at 2,and then me and Charlotte stayed back to do our physics and chemistry holidays assignments. Yeah right. We were not doing,but copying wholesale! Haha ok Charlotte having "not copied a single hw since a very long time ago" decided that she would do abit and copy abit so that she won't feel so guilty haha. Me,being me,copied everything there is to be offered haha. Every few minutes she would go "oh my gosh i feel so guilty for copying!" We did this all the way till 4 before she had to go for vball training,which in fact started at 3. Some people are born a little slack haha =P

Actually we intended to talk about some stuff we have been waiting to discuss upon,including some stuff mentioned in my previous post. Just didn't have the time though,so we just did work all the way and crapping some. Today we also missed out the opportunity cuz she was clearing up the remaining physics papers. Tomorrow got another double break no more excuses okayyyyy..... We gonna talk some chimology issues and try to resolve them....

And after dinner on the same day I spoke to my parents about the karishma thing. They just told me to forget it,and reminded me that its not gonna be worth trying so hard since its impossible for me to be on the same "frequency" as everyone else if you get my drift. This is very true. I mean no matter how fucking hard you try sometimes,when ppl dun lyk u,they just dun. And its vice versa as well. They told me just continue to be myself,and that its perfectly fine to just stick with that small and familiar group of people i'm with. Its just much more impt to be comfortable rather than forcing myself. And needless to say they confirmed with my thoughts that I was naive to think others would be at least trying to work on better relations with me as a classmate and so on. So i've decided to just remain at the anonymous status i'm at with most of the class now,and try not to dwell upon that anymore. Its just a heck lot better being yourself and understanding what your friends are talking about instead of scratching my head all the time wondering they are talking about.

So I really wanna Thank God for my parents,for being there to listen to me and talk to me with much more patience then they usually have with me. It has really been awhile (like a few months I think) since we've had talks like this together,all 3 of us. So i'm really grateful for that. =) Somehow we 3 used to have the same problems before. Me and my mom are the ones who often try so damn hard to fit in. Then all 3 of us often play the role of the "backstage crew". By some weird logic,people somehow think that the 3 of us are easier to ask favours from and kinda bully in that sense. We do it for them and ask for nth in return. In turn they are not only grateful but kinda asked for more favours......you get the idea. And in my case those people who asks for favours are people who i dun rlly talk to or are not exactly close to in class. Somehow "Eugene" is a name that has such a nice ring to it that people immediately think of me when they need sth done,when they regularly dao me in the 1st place. All 3 of our lives are gonna go on like that,as the "servants" of people who barely gives a hoot about our life or death?

Even though I say this now,when someone else asks me,I'd probably relent,and do it for that person willingly,as I've always for other ppl's task. Guess its just the way my life's meant to be. If that's the way God has appointed me in life,I shall gladly accept it. But I shall try my best to also live my own life,and not live it for others,for that would be pointless.

Seems to me like I've been very reflective lately. Oh well its probably good la. Goodnight ppl,God bless y'all.... =)

"Triple X" Jackson out.

Have got a lot to be thinking about for the weekend,which was why I hadn't blogged in the past few days. After speaking to wee kang and gary in the canteen during friday's recess,I confirmed my suspicions when they told me they felt that i'm a little schizophrenic. I believe I have nothing to refute that at all,because I'm sure its true. But I don't think mine's that severe,as its just emotion switches whenever I think of something,which is in fact rather often.... At least most are happier thoughts,so I don't appear like a suicidal freak often. In fact its very rare I appear like that....

But anyway,its back. It has been incubating for awhile but now its back,and my emotions kinda sway abit nowadays... Strangely it would occur more often at home then in school,so my classmates please don't freak and avoid me at all costs,cuz i'm not that crazy okayyyyy..... Probably because at home I have the time to think more,and then the more unpleasant things come to mind I guess.... And no the unpleasant things ain't related to you,so dun go thinking i'm going back into a relapse of those days. That won't happen,I promise you that. =)

There's suddenly been alot of thought on why I'm still studying in the first place. I mean,I seriously hate studying. Friends are the only good thing in Singapore's education system I daresay. Its only for the sake of my future and how badly I wanna be a career officer in the SAF that keeps me on track. But it doesn't stop me from lamenting about it,and neither does it prevent me from not doing my work and copying either... Dunno la,just hope I can at least kinda buck up soon I guess...

I mentioned friends are the only good thing in Singapore's education. Problem is,I still don't find that many in my own class. This to me is rather disturbing. Or maybe I'm just naive enough to think that people might at least change their attitude towards me after that fateful night reflection of mine in Batam. Guess I've been the only one trying hard I suppose... At least I can be thankful to have Charlotte,Wee Kang,Gabriel and Gary to be the one's I'm closer to and can kinda relate with me... That's mostly it. Just 4 out of 24 in the class. Of course there are a few whom I have pretty decent relationships with,but these 4 are the majors. Not even 20%.

How I confirmed my feelings about the effort put in by everyone,was kinda confirmed during friday's recess as well. Me,wk gary and hq were talking about feelings/anger management,and gary was also sharing how he dealt with his juniors back in SJI NCC... Then Karishma came to sit beside me and was like "eh what are you all talking about? share share! I feel so left out!" and asked me to,get this,sit further out my canteen bench so that she could be nearer to the conversation. O.o so I just turned and looked at her straight in the eye and told her :"now you know how I feel left out last time huh" and she simply gave me a confused look. So i was just like heck it and sat back lor. Soon after I left first and headed for class.

Now how would you feel if you were me? People often tell me I read too much into things,but how would you have felt in such a situation? Think about it ppl,I dun gripe about stuff for nth,its for a reason I feel is justified enough to lemme express myself the way i like it. Its not like I go around and purposely find a reason to stir up shit ya noe?

Another thing was what happened after the incident. I went into class finding only Charlotte and Abhishek in the class. Charlotte told me later on that she had wanted to speak to abhi for some time already,and it was the perfect opportunity that day when only they two were in the class. I kinda forgot what was their initial discussion topic,but I do know that it was related to emotions and feelings and how he expresses himself when dealing with class matters. Me and wen jun joined in. At first I couldn't exactly believe where the conversation was heading towards. Abhi is a man void of feelings and emotions. I mean I figured half of that since last time la,when I had to work with him on OCIP. He says things w/o regards to how the class would feel (obvious hawk). When I ask him he would be like "don't care la,they have to do it what,or its their problem" So I wasn't so surprised.

Little did I know his voided emotions even reaches the point that he doesn't feel a thing about ppl dying! Can you believe it? He says that there's nth to feel to it,ppl have to die anyway. Which is true,but it usually only occurs for most ppl after mourning the loss first! Not directly moving on to the heck it stage! Its freaky to me really. And after all the talking Charlotte told me. "You can be one of his closest friends and help him out of his problem,believe it." I couldn't believe what she's saying. She knows about me and abhi's classic feuds,and she tells me to be one of his closest friends??? I couldn't imagine seriously. I wouldn't wanna worsen my schizo condition that way,since I would be extremely stressed talking to him and all. Then again it could possibly be rewarding. Why not try?

This has been a dominant thought in my head this weekend so far. Other's would include worrying about Charlotte after her brief but alarming state of hysteria on friday morning after she picked up a call,as well as thinking about all my parents have told me recently. Idk what happened to her,but i'm not gonna probe and just be indifferent about it,and pray for her. She seems okay already anyways....

My what a long entry! I shall close up here,since I've got tution early in the morning anyway. Just be hoping that this time the schizo won't last as long as last time ba..... Ok chao.

"Triple X" Jackson out.

Wa lao damn pissed with the mixpod player on my blog. If any of you noticed,some songs can't be played.... -.- I doubt anything can be done about it lol,so I guess its gonna be a pretty inert player except for some songs sadded.....

Anyway today finally managed to talk to Kenneth and share about our lives as usual. Its been  awhile since we last shared,but looks like there's not much of any stories to tell. Dk whether that is good anot lol. Its good for me since it means that i'm not getting into trouble again,nor am I flirting again. Just hoping this current situation remains as it is...

During SD period we did yet another one of those student profiling exercises. This time it was focused on finding about a person's leadership and studying styles. I was listed as a peacock,one who kinda thrives on constantly being actively involved in something. They also love to oppose authority,which is totally me. And since most authoritarian figures are hawks(i.e aggressive leaders who doesn't give a hoot how u feel),you can now very obviously see how I'm always abhishek's devil's advocate,opposing whatever logic he has come up with and all..... But I know one thing about me that doesn't correspond to a peacock is the part about being able to keep striking up conversations with others. I'm a EPIC FAIL in that! If i'm not gonna talk,I would just plug into my iPod and sit out everything that happens around me. Not exactly healthy you think? Nvm Charlotte Lee says she's gonna help me,so we shall see how that goes bah... =D

Speaking of my failure of a mixpod,at least I've got something to announce. We have a new Number 1 track! After messing my head up with his gay voice at night,Adam Lambert's addictive track For Your Entertainment has risen to the top,even knocking out Bad Romance. GaGa's famous track slides down to No. 3,with a new song taking it's place at No. 2. Now a warning,this track takes a damn long time to get used to because you would think its absolute gibberish. However I was sadly mistaken. Timbaland never ever produces a track w/o undergoing meticulous preparations. And so this is a product of fine art in the end. I can honestly tell you I hate it at first,but I love the beats of it man. Makes me just groove! Song's titled Morning after Dark. It features SoShy and Nelly Furtado as well. Give it a 100 listens,and you would grow to love it...

Sleep time,officially no homework touched for the past 4 days haha. PWNED......

Nights bitches.

"Triple X" Jackson out.

Surprisingly,my thighs barely hurt anymore! I've been like complaining about them hurting like hell the past few days since Monday's mass PE. But somehow after today's session,the pain's gone! Somemore that day I was struggling on the run and cleared it with a disgusting 11:40. Today I cleared it at exactly 10:00,which was the new standard today. Surprising eh? Absolutely no clue what my body is trying to do man....

Today was practically focused on abdominal training. Monday's was more torturous since we were holding push-ups positions for long periods of time straight. By the end of the session I could barely stand up,cuz the abs area hurt so damn much. Not that i'm complaining though,cuz I preferred today's session. I rather save my arm power to improve on my current pull-ups count of 12. Haha I think this already makes me the guy with the 3rd highest pull-up count in the class,only losing out to wee kang and gary. Of cuz the other reason is obvious enough,I want a six-packer haha! Can see the outline of a four now la,but I wanna make it more pronounced of cuz =D

True enough and living up to my previous post,I didn't do any work on monday night. Neither did I yesterday. Seriously feel that i'm finding excuses for myself but can't seem to help myself! See the pile of holiday hw and I just feel like jumping ship already... Dk la but I think I shall go do after I post this.

Btw I've set up a new fb account. This is to compensate for the lost of the other one to my mom. But I ain't gonna start on any games for this new account la,its solely for keeping in touch with what's going on in my community,an obviously smaller one compared to the 900+ friend account. I realise when I was out of the fb community for the two months prior to promos last year,I couldn't understand wth my classmates were laughing at sometimes. It was then I found out they had been laughing over stuff discussed on fb. So I decided I ain't gonna be so left out anymore,and so here I am! =D

For those who haven't added me,just go search "Eugene Teo" and look out for one with a picture of the character I respect the most in life other then my parents,Spartan-117 John of the Halo trilogy of games. Add me up and I'll accept it,since any of my readers here are my friends in my usual account....

Ok homework time. Continue to look out for plurk posts I still post on my usual account,it'll always be there haha. Shall return to my old blogskin now. C ya bitches.

"Triple X" Jackson out.

I took a personality quiz on Saturday,and my result was ENFJ, which stands for extroverted, intuitive, feeling and judging. The % scores were 11%, 12%, 62%,and 11% respectively. Here's the description.

ENFJs are the benevolent 'pedagogues' of humanity. They have tremendous charisma by which many are drawn into their nurturant tutelage and/or grand schemes. Many ENFJs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship. But it's usually not meant as manipulation -- ENFJs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.
ENFJs are global learners. They see the big picture. The ENFJs focus is expansive. Some can juggle an amazing number of responsibilities or projects simultaneously. Many ENFJs have tremendous entrepreneurial ability.

ENFJs are, by definition, Js, with whom we associate organization and decisiveness. But they don't resemble the SJs or even the NTJs in organization of the environment nor occasional recalcitrance. ENFJs are organized in the arena of interpersonal affairs. Their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions (reached through feelings) about people and motives are drawn much more quickly and are more resilient than those of their NFP counterparts.

ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, (and Feelers in general), they are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people. ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear.

TRADEMARK: "The first shall be last"

This refers to the open-door policy of ENFJs. One ENFJ colleague always welcomes me into his office regardless of his own circumstances. If another person comes to the door, he allows them to interrupt our conversation with their need. While discussing that need, the phone rings and he stops to answer it. Others drop in with a 'quick question.' I finally get up, go to my office and use the call waiting feature on the telephone. When he hangs up, I have his undivided attention!Functional Analysis:

Extraverted Feeling

Extraverted Feeling rules the ENFJ's psyche. In the sway of this rational function, these folks are predisposed to closure in matters pertaining to people, and especially on behalf of their beloved. As extraverts, their contacts are wide ranging. Face-to-face relationships are intense, personable and warm, though they may be so infrequently achieved that intimate friendships are rare.

Introverted iNtuition

Like their INFJ cousins, ENFJs are blessed through introverted intuition with clarity of perception in the inner, unconscious world. Dominant Feeling prefers to find the silver lining in even the most beggarly perceptions of those in their expanding circle of friends and, of course, in themselves. In less balanced individuals, such mitigation of the unseemly eventually undermines the ENFJ's integrity and frequently their good name. In healthier individuals, deft use of this awareness of the inner needs and desires of others enables this astute type to win friends, influence people, and avoid compromising entanglements.The dynamic nature of their intuition moves ENFJs from one project to another with the assurance that the next one will be perfect, or much more nearly so than the last. ENFJs are continually looking for newer and better solutions to benefit their extensive family, staff, or organization.

Extraverted Sensing

Sensing is extraverted. ENFJs can manage details, particularly those necessary to implement the prevailing vision. These data have, however, a magical flexible quality. Something to be bought can be had for a song; the same something is invaluable when it's time to sell. (We are not certain, but we suspect that such is the influence of the primary function.) This wavering of sensory perception is made possible by the weaker and less mature status with which the tertiary is endowed.

Introverted Thinking

Introverted Thinking is least apparent and most enigmatic in this type. In fact, it often appears only when summoned by Feeling. At times only in jest, but in earnest if need be, Thinking entertains as logical only those conclusions which support Feeling's values. Other scenarios can be shown invalid or at best significantly inferior. Such "Thinking in the service of Feeling" has the appearance of logic, but somehow it never quite adds up.Introverted Thinking is frequently the focus of the spiritual quest of ENFJs. David's lengthiest psalm, 119, pays it homage. "Law," "precept," "commandment," "statute:" these essences of inner thinking are the mysteries of Deity for which this great Feeler's soul searched.

Somebody tell me if you agree can? Or if you don't. Just inclined to find out. And please fill my Johari window up as well. The link is http://kevan.org/johari?name=Eugene%20Teo

Oh anyway you people won't be seeing me on facebook for awhile. Mom took my account away without any prior warning,so there's that. But since i'm already too shagged from mass PE today,I'll probably be on the com for the night ba,and not do any homework. Well we shall see....

"Triple X" Jackson out.

Sorry for not blogging the past few days ppl,but there's seriously a lot of hw! Siao only the first days and we kena flooded liao... Of course that's not mentioning the fact that most of the hw assigned are in fact the holidays assignments that most of us have barely touched... So I guess there's nth much to be complaining about huh? Haix sadded...

Yesterday I went back to Swiss again. Yeah kinda crazy to be a frequent visitor during my A level year,but I'll probably stop sooner or later when the going gets really tough. Supervised the sec 2s for the entire training,and I'm pleased to say that they have been thought two new drills yesterday,and are doing it pretty nicely for their standard. Their bangs are getting pretty coordinated already. All there is to work on is the unconscious movement of the squad in all directions as they are performing the drills. Not to mention some of them inside the squad either have problems with balancing their body in drills,or they have severe attitude problems that simply cannot be shaken no matter how many push-ups you give them. The latter is obviously more annoying to me,as they remind me of the 3 little indians that wreaked havoc in the squad I trained when I was still in Swiss. I had managed to somewhat change their attitude,so hopefully I can be able to do the same for this batch of sec 2s.....

After training I joined Kau Jie,Razmil,Jun Kai,Jonathan,Wei Ming,Ee Siong,Wei Ker and one more whom I don't seem to have an impression of (dammit from my old squad somemore). We went over to CDANs/Home Team NS's shooting range to shoot air rifles. They are supposed to start preparing for the upcoming NPCC air rifle competition at NUS,so me Kau Jie and Razmil were supervising them. Jun Kai was friggin lazy and was stopping every 10 minutes... So there was one time when he stopped,I chao over to his station and fired five shots myself.... 3 years never shoot liao damn fail,only got 7 out of 50 la! Haix I'm gonna get better I promise. Maybe this friday I go join them again haha...

Today got maths society. As usual damn sianz.... During recess time Charlotte lee and Hao Lan go and play my iPod until left damn little battery,wasn't enough to kill my boredom during maths society lor,since it went flat soon after....When I got on the bus I tried to switch it on again and listened to my music. Halfway through my first song Supermassive Black Hole (damn nice song by Muse though quite a few years liao),no more music went into my ears and so I was damn sad.... The rest of the trip home on the bus damn boring lols.... Next time don't lend you two liao haha!

Ok better chao,need to "refer" to some of wee kang's homework... =D

"Triple X" Jackson out.

Wahhh... Yesterday quite happy la,cuz I went back swiss for cca orientation. It was quite nice la,back in school and feeling all the atmosphere of the place... Before the orientation I met up with Ms Susan Lim and we chatted awhile. Yes in case some of you dimwits dunno,my sec 3 maths teacher has the same name as my mom. Anyway she asked me to come back to help her as an assistant teaching maths! Heh she thinks highly of me! Well my maths was pretty neat stuff back then anyway,so it shouldn't be a problem. The only thing is time la,I gotta find time for it in a year thats probably gonna be jammed with activity..... CIP hours are up for grabs as well,so I might as well consider.....

CCA was ok la. I went to help out,and wore my full uniform la! That was great,considering the last time I wore it was about a year ago. Surprised it could still fit me..... Anyway I spent wednesday night putting up all my badges and polishing my boots as well. Yeah I know i'm hardcore,but that's just me. Wouldn't wanna wear something that loses to my juniors,damn embarrassing.... And first time I held the drill cane as well! Never thought I would ever get the chance. But razmil was nice and took one out from the CI cupboard for me to carry. And since its legal for Staff Sergeants to hold it,I had no qualms about it haha.... =D Was walking about the school with a swag while carrying it with me haha.

Shall leave my pessimist opinions on a particular issue for another post. Meanwhile,gonna go do some hols hw(which i still haven't started on) and get ready for Swiss NPCC NCOs of '08 Annual BBQ (SNNAB'08). Lols I came up with it myself,sounds impressive,no? Haha alright chao 1st.

"Triple X" Jackson out.

Haha was damn happy yesterday! Went back to Swiss to help out at NPCC. Wearing a coporate tee of course,to exert some slight authority over the others there. Razmil,Kau Jie,Zhi Chao and Zhi Guang the CIs were there as well,sadly making the lowest ranking of the authorities there. But hey,at least the current squad of NCOs were the ones that I've groomed when I was still serving the Corps in secondary school,so I knew them better then any of those 4 could,and managed to handle things pretty well.

Ah how nostalgic it was. I haven't gone back to Swiss since the annual camp back in June. That time only me,Zhi Chao and Zhi Guang were the only seniors around. Yesterday,albeit slightly boring since the main program of the day was campcraft,I still found myself being pushed a little. The lack of physical conditioning during the holidays were made rather obvious,and I was panting like a mad horse... I joined the sec 2s for the entire training,and being rather......lets just say green,were very out of touch and had to be intimidated a little. I have no illusions that they are not scared of me,but I did my best to keep them in check,and I must say they did okay for their 1st training in 2 months. Sometimes you just gotta find the key that makes them "tick"... =D

Tomorrow is the start of CCA orientation for the sec 1s,and i'm gonna make it a point to be there despite the fact that I've not started on a single piece of homework. Gonna have to take some time to nicely put on all my badges and be there in uniform,as smart as I can possibly make myself. Hopefully I won't be a flop....

Alright gonna go and start preparing soon,so c ya...

"Triple X" Jackson out.

Wah today damn tired siah. Legs breaking also. 2e1 guys went to east coast park for a bbq. We started off with 11 guys,but it dwindled down to 9 when we arrived at marine parade. Sadly Kenneth had to go off cuz he's sick. Den alvin went with him lor... Hmmm he dun seem to be feeling very well ever since returning from india... Hmmm take care ya! Sch reopening must ready to chiong.... =)

The most unique bbq i ever went for,seriously. Why? The food wasn't bought yet. I was like whaaaaa???!!!! So ya we ended up spending one hour plus buying the stuff at NTUC Marine Parade. Then we walked over to ecp. We were at pit 12C,which was apparently somewhere smack in the middle of two large building areas. Translation: The toilet was friggin far away. So everytime we need to go toilet we travel more than 1km in total,probably close to 2. Reminds me of those children in LDCs who have to travel miles just to get their water or go to school lol....

This is probably a guaranteed thing,but bbqs,as usual,kinda fails. We ended up buying too much food,painting the food on the grill black(just means it got burnt,idiot) and eating chicken wings that caused me indigestion when I got home,which btw was 0030 hours. I think we had more fun burning up the remaining firestarters and charcoal la. We marinated them,spread all the remaining butter,and lit it up. Looks just like 4th July man haha.... Just quite sianed that we couldn't get some beer. Martin tried (he was tall enough,though abit shorter den me) and was asked to flash IC. The fella just looked at him and said "come back in march" wtf.... Thought maybe height could have saved the day la.... Sadly no.

I swear i'm broke. Those who've read my fb note knows i've spent approx 300 bucks this hols and majority are luxury goods wts.... Today another 30 bucks gone. 18 for food and 12 for taxi. We missed the last mrt by just 3 mins! No bus oso. Ended up taking cab home. Lucky share with evers,and we managed to travel fair distance b4 it became midnight,which was when the taxi meter became a Frankenstein horror movie la.... We split costs so nt so bad haha... Taking too many midnight cabs recently,must go off earlier in future. No hope for attending Green Day's concert liao la.... Sianz I love Green Day... =(

Overall damn nice to catch up with old times and all la. Haha you managed to msg me just when we were about to leave,so it wasn't so bad cuz you didn't ruin my night haha... Jk la! Not so exaggerated lor. Its nice to speak to you again,c ya around. =)

"Triple X" Jackson out.

It's the new year! Yay sure everyone's excited haha. As I have reiterated for the umptheen time,2009 is a horrendous year to be forgotten. Well at least the majority of it anyway. Maybe some of the reasons are clear to you people who read my blog since long ago,since my fb profile and notes is probably read by you people as well. Well lemme just list them all down once and for all,so that at the same I can look over them,assure myself it's completely disgusting and really wipe it off me.


Imma go according to chronological order. January,O level results were being released. I was rather pissed with the results I got,more so than the bad PSLE score I had. Chemistry,my subject stronghold other than the two maths,greeted me with a fat A2. Yeah I know some of my Swiss mates will tell me that kok how got A2 as well so chillax. But man I can't shake that off,since I really believed that I did well. Then I was hoping for an A2 at least for bio,because the paper was seriously free kill. B3 slammed my face. Had this two subjects gone my way I would have gotten an overall score of 7. Then I would still have probably come to CJC cuz I hate ACJC and I dun wanna be a study freak in Anderson (no offence). But at least that damned certificate would have been so much prettier...


March. School had already been running for a few weeks now,and we're almost gonna confirm our CCAs already. When I first entered CJC I promised myself that now I'm in JC it's a fresh new start,and so I should start being a little more adventurous (in sports,not girls) as compared to last time,and try new things. So my first step was to try out for fencing. I've been going to nothing but fencing trials for 2 weeks now,practising "overtime" at the fencing room whenever the opportunity presents itself. When the selection list came out and I found out I wasn't inside,I was pretty damned devastated. Turns out that would only be the first of two devasting moments for me in 2009.


May. 36th Student council elections. This was the second of the "something new" I tried for the year. And yeah you guessed it,I failed again. Well at least wasn't that surprising,since almost everyone that got in came from SJI,CHIJ and the other affiliated schools. Guess I was stupid to try for council in a school named Catholic Junior College. If I'm not wrong there were only about 3 NSKs who made it into council anyway...  


During about the same period,I liked a girl in my physics tution class. Well at least I never exactly fell for her,just kinda flirting some. Nevertheless,I woke up one fine morning at the start of the June holidays,logged into my fb,and the first thing I saw was an update saying that she is in a relationship with somebody. O.o WOW. Obviously at that moment I wasn't particularly amused at this joke of a life that I've lived in the first half of 2009. I never slept that night,troubled by what 2009 has brought upon me...  


The second half of 2009 couldn't start any better. By some screwed up arrangement our mid-years was arranged after the holidays,which sucked because most of us wouldn't be studying. Like duh right? Then of cuz the most expected thing happened,I flunked mid-years. And just because of that me and a few of my classmates were given some additional unnecessary attention by the teachers, which of course just adds misery to all that's happening...  


August onwards came along the biggest problem I've probably faced other then commanding my squad back in NPCC. It was the PW season,and it was at the stage where we had to work on WR,which we realized was much more pissing and intimidating than we initially thought. So we slugged on day and night doing work constantly deemed unacceptable by our teachers etc... Not gonna continue since many people around me suffered the same shit as well. Afterall its just a part of JC life you can't ignore.


But of course that wasn't the main intention of me mentioning August onwards. It was about the same time that we started talking. Like really talking and you didn't store any barbed wires in your mouth for the purposes of sarcasm,just like you did the last time. We talked and talked,finding encouragement in each other when we were going through the worst of the WR periods...


Well I could go on and on about all the happy and turbulent times if I wanted,but I wouldn't,cuz it would be too painful and absolutely unnecessary since it would contradict my resolution for 2010. That's one thing I admire greatly about you,and it's your ability to forget things with the snap of a finger,almost literally. I admire that because I can't do that. Memories are memories to me,they don't impress on me the fact that they are good or bad,because I just keep them. I know the Lord helps you in that memory clearing,but that's exactly the problem. Either I just can't feel his presence with me this year,or I didn't exactly think of Him as the one I would look up to confess my problems and pray for him to help me,I don't know. What I know is that this year is definitely the worst year I've ever gone through ever. 


Come to think of it,I've never had a single dream about my Spartans and the Halo legacy that I've meticulously created alongside kenneth and kok how since I was sec 2. If I had one of those dreams I would wake up inspired and burning with a flame of determination within me to overcome everything that stood in my way on that day,because I'm a (presumed) Spartan and Spartans never give up nor relent to anything standing between them and their goals. Maybe all these factors did it for me,the absence of God,my Spartans and the feelings within me...


Your skill in forgetting things is simply remarkable to me even till now. I mean,it just makes your life the perfect little one I mentioned on my tumblr,free from worries and all. I honestly don't believe that you actually struggled much trying to cope with matters. I see you've just made a new post on your wordpress about being burdened... To me it almost like you asked the Lord for a favour and night and Poof! Everything's just kinda gone the next day,two days max. That just makes it so much easier for you to get on with life. But even if I had the chance to pick that kinda capability up,I wouldn't do it at all. Why? Cuz its just too frigging cold an attitude even for my standards. It literally cuts through all forms of human bonds. To people I'm really pissed with,especially girls,I can be so frigging icy and lash out in verbal warfare that she breaks down crying. It happened once. Luckily you haven't stepped across that line. You never did anything that would hurt me directly,they are often indirect,which hurts more. Its just like artillery raining over your damned heads in a battlefield,or corner kicks in soccer that are curled so much they enter the net without anyone else needing to touch it.


Life,as you told me once,is sucker. Yeah sure as hell it is. But guess what? Its 2010! Its a new year,a year where we'll see 4 new teams in f1,the Fifa World Cup where I would be supporting El Nino's Espanya,and I'll probably see Liverpool finish the season in the top four. And guess what? Maybe Matthew 6:34 will return to being infused in my brain. Maybe I'll really get my Spartan dreams back,and I'll probably see to it that all the target boards in my rifle ranges and kill houses painted with your face. I'm sure my troops would score 100% at the range every single time,so that they will all become distinguished riflemen... Nisi maximus vastatio ut tyrannus! Look it up in a Latin translator.


May God bless you,because He hasn't in 2009 for me.


Back to my Liverpool match then. See you guys around.


"Triple X" Jackson out.