dreamlogic

1:31 am

Sunday, January 03, 2010

It's the new year! Yay sure everyone's excited haha. As I have reiterated for the umptheen time,2009 is a horrendous year to be forgotten. Well at least the majority of it anyway. Maybe some of the reasons are clear to you people who read my blog since long ago,since my fb profile and notes is probably read by you people as well. Well lemme just list them all down once and for all,so that at the same I can look over them,assure myself it's completely disgusting and really wipe it off me.

Imma go according to chronological order. January,O level results were being released. I was rather pissed with the results I got,more so than the bad PSLE score I had. Chemistry,my subject stronghold other than the two maths,greeted me with a fat A2. Yeah I know some of my Swiss mates will tell me that kok how got A2 as well so chillax. But man I can't shake that off,since I really believed that I did well. Then I was hoping for an A2 at least for bio,because the paper was seriously free kill. B3 slammed my face. Had this two subjects gone my way I would have gotten an overall score of 7. Then I would still have probably come to CJC cuz I hate ACJC and I dun wanna be a study freak in Anderson (no offence). But at least that damned certificate would have been so much prettier...

March. School had already been running for a few weeks now,and we're almost gonna confirm our CCAs already. When I first entered CJC I promised myself that now I'm in JC it's a fresh new start,and so I should start being a little more adventurous (in sports,not girls) as compared to last time,and try new things. So my first step was to try out for fencing. I've been going to nothing but fencing trials for 2 weeks now,practising "overtime" at the fencing room whenever the opportunity presents itself. When the selection list came out and I found out I wasn't inside,I was pretty damned devastated. Turns out that would only be the first of two devasting moments for me in 2009.

May. 36th Student council elections. This was the second of the "something new" I tried for the year. And yeah you guessed it,I failed again. Well at least wasn't that surprising,since almost everyone that got in came from SJI,CHIJ and the other affiliated schools. Guess I was stupid to try for council in a school named Catholic Junior College. If I'm not wrong there were only about 3 NSKs who made it into council anyway...

During about the same period,I liked a girl in my physics tution class. Well at least I never exactly fell for her,just kinda flirting some. Nevertheless,I woke up one fine morning at the start of the June holidays,logged into my fb,and the first thing I saw was an update saying that she is in a relationship with somebody. O.o WOW. Obviously at that moment I wasn't particularly amused at this joke of a life that I've lived in the first half of 2009. I never slept that night,troubled by what 2009 has brought upon me...

The second half of 2009 couldn't start any better. By some screwed up arrangement our mid-years was arranged after the holidays,which sucked because most of us wouldn't be studying. Like duh right? Then of cuz the most expected thing happened,I flunked mid-years. And just because of that me and a few of my classmates were given some additional unnecessary attention by the teachers, which of course just adds misery to all that's happening...

August onwards came along the biggest problem I've probably faced other then commanding my squad back in NPCC. It was the PW season,and it was at the stage where we had to work on WR,which we realized was much more pissing and intimidating than we initially thought. So we slugged on day and night doing work constantly deemed unacceptable by our teachers etc... Not gonna continue since many people around me suffered the same shit as well. Afterall its just a part of JC life you can't ignore.

But of course that wasn't the main intention of me mentioning August onwards. It was about the same time that we started talking. Like really talking and you didn't store any barbed wires in your mouth for the purposes of sarcasm,just like you did the last time. We talked and talked,finding encouragement in each other when we were going through the worst of the WR periods...

Well I could go on and on about all the happy and turbulent times if I wanted,but I wouldn't,cuz it would be too painful and absolutely unnecessary since it would contradict my resolution for 2010. That's one thing I admire greatly about you,and it's your ability to forget things with the snap of a finger,almost literally. I admire that because I can't do that. Memories are memories to me,they don't impress on me the fact that they are good or bad,because I just keep them. I know the Lord helps you in that memory clearing,but that's exactly the problem. Either I just can't feel his presence with me this year,or I didn't exactly think of Him as the one I would look up to confess my problems and pray for him to help me,I don't know. What I know is that this year is definitely the worst year I've ever gone through ever.

Come to think of it,I've never had a single dream about my Spartans and the Halo legacy that I've meticulously created alongside kenneth and kok how since I was sec 2. If I had one of those dreams I would wake up inspired and burning with a flame of determination within me to overcome everything that stood in my way on that day,because I'm a (presumed) Spartan and Spartans never give up nor relent to anything standing between them and their goals. Maybe all these factors did it for me,the absence of God,my Spartans and the feelings within me...

Your skill in forgetting things is simply remarkable to me even till now. I mean,it just makes your life the perfect little one I mentioned on my tumblr,free from worries and all. I honestly don't believe that you actually struggled much trying to cope with matters. I see you've just made a new post on your wordpress about being burdened... To me it almost like you asked the Lord for a favour and night and Poof! Everything's just kinda gone the next day,two days max. That just makes it so much easier for you to get on with life. But even if I had the chance to pick that kinda capability up,I wouldn't do it at all. Why? Cuz its just too frigging cold an attitude even for my standards. It literally cuts through all forms of human bonds. To people I'm really pissed with,especially girls,I can be so frigging icy and lash out in verbal warfare that she breaks down crying. It happened once. Luckily you haven't stepped across that line. You never did anything that would hurt me directly,they are often indirect,which hurts more. Its just like artillery raining over your damned heads in a battlefield,or corner kicks in soccer that are curled so much they enter the net without anyone else needing to touch it.

Life,as you told me once,is sucker. Yeah sure as hell it is. But guess what? Its 2010! Its a new year,a year where we'll see 4 new teams in f1,the Fifa World Cup where I would be supporting El Nino's Espanya,and I'll probably see Liverpool finish the season in the top four. And guess what? Maybe Matthew 6:34 will return to being infused in my brain. Maybe I'll really get my Spartan dreams back,and I'll probably see to it that all the target boards in my rifle ranges and kill houses painted with your face. I'm sure my troops would score 100% at the range every single time,so that they will all become distinguished riflemen... Nisi maximus vastatio ut tyrannus! Look it up in a Latin translator.

May God bless you,because He hasn't in 2009 for me.

Back to my Liverpool match then. See you guys around.

"Triple X" Jackson out.

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Fantasies can never be real,so I'm waking up from this dream that was never meant to be... How long till it fades?